We often hear from those around us wondering how people choose their life partners. Questions left and right about: how did this girl from a good family choose the guy from a poor family? or, How did this handsome boy choose this less pretty girl?
Intending to understand human psychology and some tips to help those in need to find the one they could spend their entire life with, this article starts with an analysis of social judgment, and in another article, we will discuss the criteria based on which we choose our life partners.
We judge by the things we see and consider to be normal
The first aspect that must be considered is our judgment, which is often based on a single criterion. Being outside the relationship, things seem simple: we look at people and judge them through the things we see. This, however, does not mean that we know everything and that our judgment is objective. There are many aspects that we don’t know, especially since most of the time people behave differently at home than they do in public.
The beauty criterion
One of the most common social discussions is about how beautiful are those involved in the relationship. We believe, and we like to believe, that beautiful people end up in relationships with equally beautiful people.
The problem is, however, that each of us has a different notion of beauty. While some like people with rounded features, others like people with sharper or more special features, some like blondes, others brunettes, thin, with shapes, or overweight.
So, the assessment of beauty is from the first a wrong criterion, because it is subjective and does not give us the right to judge (besides the fact that in general, we do not have any right of opinion on other people, except the situations in which their actions can hurt or upset us).
Another definition of beauty: from1500 to 1900
While today we celebrate thin women in Europe and consider them beautiful, Europe had a long history, between 1500 and 1900, in which thin women were considered sick and ugly. A woman who had a little more fat was considered fertile, healthy, and beautiful. In many paintings and sculptures from that time, we see women with belly fat rolls. An example in this sense is the goddess Venus, who represents the symbol of beauty, love, and fertility.
The intelligence criterion
Although we don’t realize it, we evaluate people primarily through the lens of non-verbal behavior. Only after we have done this, we draw attention to the words to correct or polish the judgment made initially. We do this to check how safe we are around somebody, to identify a leader, and to find our place in the community in which we are, etc.
However, non-verbal behavior is a projection of what the individual thinks about himself and not a projection of the truth. Therefore, often we initially evaluate a person wrong, just because we judged by the body position, by 2 words spoken about fear, nerves, or illness. To get to know a person even a little, you need to spend at least one day with them, which we usually don’t get when judging those around us. We really know a man when we have the opportunity to see how he thinks, how he applies what he knows in everyday life, what attitude he has toward those around him, how he proceeds in moments of fear, how much his conscience influences the decisions, etc.
Most of the time, people only react to topics they know, or even more, they will lead the discussion in the direction they master because there they can control the discussion and grow in the other’s eyes. This, however, does not mean that every person who seems clever and skilled is alike. In spite of this, we often do so, we evaluate people by looking at how charismatic, positive, happy, smiling, and relaxed they are. We are naturally attracted to these people while we reject those we believe to be sad, too emotional, fearful, and shrill. With all this, we must know that confident people are not always as skilled and smart as they would like to show us.
Conclusions
Taking into account the above, we should understand why we should not question others’ relationships. There is a complex set of reasons why we choose our partners differently than society would expect. The first explanation would be the well-known saying that “extremes attract”. However, the saying only describes a few situations, it does not explain the decisions we make on a psychological, biological, and human level.
In the following article, I will highlight the main criteria on the basis of which we choose our life partner, and I will explain why:
- rich men often choose less intelligent women;
- shy men choose bolder women;
- always flirting men prefer quiet and withdrawn women.
Sources:
Symptoms of living, 2023. The World Used to Love Fat Women. Available at: symptomsofliving.com/blog/the-world-used-to-love-fat-women/
Bradley University, 2023. Cross-cultural perspectives. Available at: bradley.edu/sites/bodyproject/perspectives/