Often when we talk about domestic violence we think of painful physical actions that are committed by one person over another. Indeed, domestic violence has its roots in aggressive physical actions that stem from the physical and chemical composition of men, which is very different from that of women.

While men have been physically built to be able to defend the family, to have a high level of testosterone that highlights an often aggressive and impulsive behavior, on the other hand, the woman represents an abundance of estrogen, which shapes her into a calm being, without a physical composition that would give her physical strength. Therefore, from the point of view of physical and mental composition, the man is from the very beginning more advantageous than the woman, whose physical and mental construction suggests weakness, especially in the context in which she shows her feelings and worries, thinking in advance for protection having no instincts and strength to react for the moment as man does.

As human consciousness continued to develop over time, both man and woman were often in vicious relationships from the very beginning, relationships in which his impulsiveness turned into domestic violence, and her calmness turned her into a victim of a process that should not have existed in thoughtful beings.

Nothing intervened in this process, the church encourages forgiveness and the return of the other cheek, politics does not interfere in the family until it is in its interest, society does not change anything because domestic violence is so common that it is considered normal. So, how did we come as thoughtful beings to act only on the basis of instinct?

It all starts with the way we see ourselves. Men were seen from the very beginning as superior beings because they had the strength, this made the woman to be excluded from all social processes that involved thinking, decision-making, planning, etc. Her merciful character has always been considered a source of weakness and inferior to a man who shows strength, and ignorance when needed.

The physical weakness has always served as a reason to see her as a weak being who can be abused. So, in the context of such thinking, you expect domestic violence to be gone in the 21st century where we have a developed society and unlimited access to information that should help us develop our consciousness and act in fact. However, statistics show that nowadays 1 in 3 women are physically abused by their partner. Here we also identify another type of violence, namely psychological and emotional, where the numbers show very high rates of abuse among both women and men.

Trying to lessen the physical violence, we ended up building another way of abuse- the verbal one. So, how did we come to have this kind of behavior?

A study in Pakistan shows that domestic violence comes from the following grievances: financial problems, infertility, children, or the husband’s vicious habits. Other reasons for violence are: the desire to control the partner, superiority, the behavioral attitude of the partner after the violence, and so on. Some studies sustain that the reason why domestic violence is so common is because of the patriarchal structure of the system. If looking at the modern system we can observe that once women got to be more involved in social activities the rate of domestic violence has dropped because of different perspectives over the role of women in society and family.

Besides these reasons, there are others that sustain the domestic violence such as: psychological disorders that make the victim dependent on abuses, the violent role model, fear of worse to happen on their own, positive reactions of the victims when the abuser apologizes for the violent behavior.

From these things we understand that the problem comes from the way the person who becomes violent sees himself, from the image he creates of himself when practicing those violent actions. Most of violent people tend to see themselves as strong and dominant, while they actually look completely different in the eyes of a person looking from outside.

Domestic violence is so common that we have come to believe that it is normal; however, violence is not good in any way. The couples are built to create a peaceful environment for the development and raise of children. Domestic violence does not support any of these things. In families where is violence, fear is rooted, and as a result, many other problems such as the lack of success of children at school, mental problems of women that can lead to suicide, raising traumatized children which could transform into problematic adults (sociopaths), etc.

Simple solutions to exclude domestic violence are: mutual respect, patience, communication, compromise, and care for each other instead of superiority, control, and dominance.

I do not blame any social construction (church, state, society) for the occurrence of violence, but I blame the human being who absorbed only what he needed from religion, politics, and social conventions for their own good and to the detriment of others. They took from all social constructions only the arguments that would justify such violent behaviors. But neither the church, nor the state, nor society says that there must be violence in the family. For these reasons, I expect from the 21st-century individual a rational behavior that will judge both his actions and their impact on those around him. Love the ones around you as you love yourself.

Sources:

Ali T.S., Bustamante-Gavino I. (2007). Prevalence of and reasons for domestic violence among women from low socioeconomic communities of Karachi. Estern Mediteranean Health Journal, vol.13, no.6, 1417-1426.

Edleson J. (1999). Children’s withessing of adult domestic violence. Journal of interpersonal violence, vol.14, no.8, 839-870.

Green hills women’s shelter. (2020, 01 01). What causes domestic violence? Retrieved 09 23, 2020, from Green hills women’s shelter: http://greenhillswomensshelter.net/blog/domestic-violence-2/what-causes-domestic-violence/

Johnson M., Ferraro K. (2000). Research on domestic violence in the 1990s: making distinctions. Journal of marriage and the family, vol.63, no.4, 948-963.

Rawlins J. (2000). Domestic Violence in Trinidad: A Family and Public Health Problem. Carribean journal of criminology and social psychology, 165-180.

Schlesinger Buzawa E., Buzawa C. (2003). Domestic violence: the criminal justice response. London: SAGE Publications.

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