In modern society women choose more and more a solitary life. Some of us understand the reasons why, while others question this lifestyle. So, let’s see what stands behind their decision.
What changed? Why in the past women needed a man?
All the answers to this question indicate that for simple survival women needed a man, be it a father, husband, or brother.
In the past, women were deprived of many rights and faced countless dangers. Among the missing rights we can list:
– no right to work;
– no property rights;
– lack of voting rights;
– lack of right to control financial resources.
Let’s make it clear: it wasn’t impossible for a woman to have certain rights, but for this to be true the woman had to be from a noble family. Among ordinary women, this was not even discussed.
Then, when we talk about women’s security, the previous society was not one in which women could live alone. It was recommended for a woman to be under the care of a man, as often single women were the victims of all kinds of abuse. It was precisely for this reason that many women entered into a relationship.
Thus, the society our ancestors lived in did not allow a woman to exist without a man. They needed a man for protection, a source of income, household management, etc.
What does the new model of social organization offer us?
Considering the lack of rights women felt before, today women have:
– the right to work (in most countries);
– the right to have a salary;
– the right to own property;
– the right to be a single parent;
– the right to own and manage a business.
Since then a lot has changed. It all started with a new lifestyle, with the change of power, the change of social organization, social principles, ideas, and values. A huge difference was made by the general level of social development and by the higher level of education which have built a different set of social patterns of behavior. The higher level of education and the better level of life made our society better, meaning fewer thieves, robbers, etc. In these conditions, the modern woman no longer needs a man for security and is grateful to the society that chose to make this world safer for all of us.
However, a relationship is not only about safety, it is also about the future, of biological instincts. So, what makes a modern woman prefer solitude to the detriment of a relationship and a family?
What are the numbers telling us?
A study completed in Great Britain in 2017 shows us that 61% of women are happy to be single. At the same time, only 49% of men said they were happy to be single. The difference in preferences is more obvious among people between 45 and 65 years old, where 32% of women said they are happy to be alone, while only 19% of men felt the same.
The study was performed by Mintel, and it shows us that society exerts enormous pressure on people to engage in a relationship in spite of their wishes. This way, 33% of single people find themselves under pressure from those around them to create a family even though they don’t want to.
The main reason why women prefer solitude
Dr. Emily Grundy claimed that a recent study showed that women prefer solitude over a relationship because they put much more effort into a relationship compared to men. Here we are talking about the emotional effort needed to make things work, and the physical effort needed to take care of the house and all its members. Meaning that a single woman only takes care of herself, while a woman in a relationship cooks for two (or an entire family), cleans for two (or an entire family), and has a much greater emotional burden than the man has.
All of this comes from the fact that society has put the emotional and physical work of maintaining the relationship and the family in the arms of the woman, blaming her most of the time for all the things that go wrong, to the point of blaming her for her partner cheating, or consuming alcohol, or being violent, etc. In this context, I will highlight a question that deserves to be discussed, maybe in another post, namely: how did the woman get to be blamed for the man’s mistakes and problems by other women?
Returning to the woman’s work in the family and relationship. All this work is not a few seconds and a one-time only thing – it consumes time and energy. The permanent work on improving the relationship and caring after the family does not allow many women to develop a career. Meantime, the same relationship frees a man from many actions that he used to do when he was alone and allows him to advance even more in fields that are not related to the family.
The women participating in the study claimed that in the absence of a relationship, they got time to concentrate on their careers, on a better social life, and on making friends. While women who are in a relationship admit that the work they have to maintain things in the relationship and the family drains them of time and energy to be able to work on themselves.
Conclusions
A current post said: “teach your children how to wash dishes, cook, clean, do laundry, etc. – they are not actions dedicated to gender, but simple survival skills”. In a world where we all know how to do these things when entering a relationship the responsibilities would divide, everything would not be so complicated for maintaining a family, and the emotional work for managing problems and reaching a compromise would be teamwork and not the burden of one person.
